


Sunset

by triplebang



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Death, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Murder, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Post-Apocalypse, Starvation, chan is going to go through a LOT of suffering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 19:03:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18037088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triplebang/pseuds/triplebang
Summary: Chan has to take care of their little group in these hopeless times, trying to ensure their survival. Will he really be able to do it, though? Each member is a whole challenge of their own, and Chan doesn't know how much he'll be able to handle before it all crumbles down.





	Sunset

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS: This fic includes SO MANY triggering things. First of all they all die except for Chan, there will violence and gore, there's panic attacks and crying and mental health issues and who knows what else. I'll add additional warnings as i write this.
> 
> Disclaimer: I in no way think that anything depicted in my fics is acceptable in real life. I strongly believe that these kinds of things should remain within the confines of fiction, and I expect you to be able to make that distinction. Please do not believe that any of this content is normal in any way. I do not intend to glorify any of this. Additionally, please do not force my fics onto other people. I tag my things so that those who get triggered by this kind of content can avoid it. I do not intend to purposefully harm anyone.
> 
> Unbeta'd, sorry for mistakes.

The sky is dull today. No blue, no pink, no red, no orange. The only reason that Chan can tell the sun is setting is by how it’s getting darker, very dully. He wishes that today’s sky had been clear; he needed a little bit of color to compensate for how demoralizing the day had been. To be fair, though, it seems as though every day is demoralizing, and he guesses that not every day can have a clear sky just to make up for it. If he’s learned anything by now, it’s the fact that life doesn’t care about accommodating you.

They didn’t find any food today. Yeah, they’ve still got some to keep them going for a small while, but it’s the fifth day in a row with no new supplies, and a group of nine people requires more than just a few old cans of vegetables. They might have to resort to eating bugs, which there are plenty of, but he knows how much the more sensitive people of the group are against it; Felix said that he might as well just starve if he’s gonna be forced to eat ants.

Chan’s body is getting stiffer every day from the gradually increasing stress. He just doesn’t know how long they can keep this up for, and every person is such a unique challenge that he has to deal with. They all have their own stories, their own issues, their own traumas.

Woojin refuses to talk to anyone. Chan doesn’t know why, but he guesses it has to do with the events of the outbreak. So much shit happened, people got scared, then angry, then a few people here and there went insane and just… Woojin probably witnessed things.

Minho’s got something weird going on with his brain, Chan thinks. Being eccentric is one thing, but Minho is entirely something else. He randomly acts out, then acts normal again. He likes to shout for no reason, and then laughs it off as if nothing happened. Truthfully, it freaks Chan out a bit, but he still deeply cares for him. He just hope that Minho doesn’t get worse, but he knows that there’s no way it’s going to improve…

Changbin has a very short temper. He used to be able to keep his cool, but he gets angrier and angrier as the days go by. He starts getting annoyed and snapping at the smallest things, and when he does, he’s very difficult to deal with. Unbearable, almost. Chan constantly has to tip-toe around him out of fear that he’s going to do something that sets him off. Yet, Changbin is still always begging for affection and validation, which is an odd mix.

Hyunjin is constantly crying. Well, not literally, but the man has turned so sensitive that even the littlest bit of conflict upsets him enough to warrant tears. And Chan knows that Hyunjin is extremely embarrassed by it. He can tell that the younger wishes he didn’t cry as much, but it seems to be out of his control. It’s really pitiful to watch, but everyone’s gotten used to it at this point. Some of them even think it’s annoying, though they wouldn’t tell Hyunjin that.

Jisung never takes anything seriously. Chan figures that it must be some sort of coping mechanism, but it gets very troublesome at times. He used to think that Jisung was pretending, but it seems as though the younger genuinely doesn’t realize what kind of situation they’re in. One time, they were all so close to finally starving, and the whole time Jisung was just acting as if it wasn’t an issue. It’s unnerving.

Felix is paranoid. He’s always extremely careful with everything he touches and everything he consumes out of fear of contracting the illness that killed everyone off. He doesn’t seem to understand that he can only get it from somebody who’s infected, and by now most of the people that _were_ infected have long died. Yet, Chan has to persuade him constantly that things are okay to eat, that he can drink the water they found, that he can sleep in the abandoned houses that they find.

Seungmin is emotionless. He doesn’t feel fear, doesn’t feel sadness, doesn’t feel happiness, and nothing in between or beyond. He doesn’t seem like he cares all of that much about anyone, and Chan is anxious that one day he’ll steal their supplies and run off by himself.

Jeongin is afraid of everyone. Even though it’s been months, maybe a year or more, that they’ve all been together, it still feels like he doesn’t trust them. Chan can tell that the youngest always feels as though one of them is going to stab him, even though Chan thinks that most of them would take the knife to their back in order to protect Jeongin. He's sad that Jeongin can’t seem to understand this.

As one can imagine, Chan has got a lot on his plate. He’s only a single man, but he has to take care of everyone, try to pull them all together and always act as a mediator. Sometimes, on darker days, he wishes that they hadn’t all found each other. Maybe he would have been better off never knowing them, never getting emotionally attached. It’s a horrible thing to think about, but Chan knows that whatever this group is, he won’t be able to hold it together forever. He’ll fucking die trying, though.

He exhales and brings a shaky hand up to his face, brushing away the curls falling into his eyes. His hair has gotten quite long; he doesn’t remember the last time he bothered trying to cut it. Nowadays, it just seems like it either takes up too much time, or he doesn’t have the energy to do it. He keeps it tied with a hair tie that he found in the room of some abandoned house.

The room clearly belonged to a young girl. There were posters of boy bands all over the wall, calendars with circled dates and smiley faces, pictures of family or friends. He wonders what happened to her, wonders if she’s maybe still alive. Probably not, but there’s no way for him to know. Every time they intrude on a space that used to belong to somebody, Chan always wonders about what kind of person they were. He tries to piece together information with what little stuff he can find. None of it matters, he knows, but he likes to remember that they aren’t the only humans that have ever existed, even though it feels like they are.

They encounter other groups of people now and then. Sometimes they trade things, other times they ignore each other. To their luck, everybody that they’ve met didn’t want to cause any trouble. All of those post-apocalyptic shows and movies and video games have lied to him; people are nicer than the media liked to portray them as. At the end of the day, everybody just wants to survive and help others. Well, almost everybody, he can’t deny that there are a few shitty people here and there.

When Chan was still wandering alone, he had encountered a group of people that, at first, seemed very nice and organized. Everybody had a role to fulfill in order to maintain their small community, and Chan thought that he’d be able to become part of it. To his absolute terror, though, he quickly realized that they kept slaves. The worst thing Chan has seen to this day wasn’t some sort of old mutilated corpse, it was what looked like an elderly man, still alive, but barely so, being forced to carry around heavy luggage. On its own, it doesn’t sound so bad, but if one had seen the way he was barely able to stand, the way his body was covered in bruises, the way his bones were showing through his sickly grey flesh, and the way he would get verbally harassed for not being able to do things properly enough… It was hard not to wretch in horror. How could people absolutely dehumanize others like that? He just doesn’t get it. What makes one person worthy of respect and another one not?

He ran away from those people as soon as he found out. He was terrified that they’d turn him into some sort of tool, and the dread that filled him for a few days after running away made him sick; he was afraid that they would go looking for him and would capture him, then make his labor much more excruciating. He was only seventeen at the time, not even an adult.

Naturally, he had to grow up fast. The outbreak happened when he was fifteen, his parents died a few months later when he was 16, and he only started finding the other members of the group when he was eighteen. He hadn’t found all of them at once, of course, but they were gradually added over the years. He’s twenty-one right now, but he can’t be sure anymore. It seems to get increasingly difficult to count the days at this point; they all blend in to each other. Seungmin keeps the date in a notebook that he carries around. Every day, he’ll change the number, or the month, and that’s really the only way that Chan knows they’re in September right now and not June. Generally, the weather helps distinguish the season, but even then it doesn’t always make sense.

It’s starting to get just a tiny bit colder, if the goosebumps on his skin right now are anything to go by. He’s staring up into the boring, grey darkening sky, letting the wind softly caress his face as he lays on top of some abandoned building. He’s always thought it would be cool to do this, though it would be cooler if he could see the actual sunset. The others are inside, resting, and Chan would normally be going around talking to all of them, making sure that they’re alright, but he’s just so demoralized right now; he can’t find it in himself to be emotionally supportive, so he needs his alone time.

His eyes close and he listens to the surrounding sounds. The wind is blowing and making the leaves on the trees rustle, because despite the fact that most of humanity is gone, nature still thrives. On rare occasions, they’ll come across a place so beautiful and green that it almost seems as though nothing had ever gone wrong. He cherishes those moments. He can also hear some birds in the distance, and some cicadas as well. It feels good to know that they’re not the only living beings around.

If he keeps his eyes closed and listens to all of these sounds, he could transport himself back into a world where everything is okay. It could be as though he’s just resting in a field after wandering off at some picnic, like when he was a kid. He could just get back up and rejoin his family, and his mother could hold him and father could make him run around while playing some made up game. Maybe his friends are there too, and they could play tag, or maybe wrestle and get dirt all over his clothes, making his mom scold him.

Chan smiles to himself fondly at the memories. If only he’d never have to open his eyes; he could just indulge in these visuals forever. Maybe, one day, they’ll be able to find a stable place to live, will be able to start being self-sufficient enough to not have to be constantly on the move, and they could rebuild a life together as a family. A weird, fucked up family, but a family nonetheless. Chan is so fond of the others that he considers them as such.

They could relax, let themselves enjoy life again. Chan remembers how he took everything for granted when he was younger. He’d eat apples as if they were nothing, would play video games and get bored of them, would complain about his homework, etc. All of those things were a given; he never realized their value. Now, he’d do so much just to get his hands on a fresh juicy apple. He’s not even thinking about other luxuries; he just wants to be able to enjoy the simple things again. They hold so much beauty that he’s never seemed before. Maybe that’s one good thing that has come out of all of this. Now, he can actually appreciate things, and maybe that could help him live a more fulfilled life.

Except, there’s nothing of the sort to actually value. Once again, this is the fifth day that they haven’t found anything to eat. It pains him whenever Hyunjin asks him if they’re going to find anything soon. How is Chan supposed to know? He might have a good idea of what he’s doing, but that doesn’t mean he knows everything. There’s no way to tell if where they’re headed will hold anything; he can only rely on luck and instinct, which are already not so reliable. This could very well be the end. Maybe there isn’t anything to eat anymore. And, it’s going to be hard to look for more food when they run out, because then they won’t have as much energy to find it.

Perhaps Chan should stop laying around daydreaming. He could be spending this time scouring for food, going through every cabinet of every house he can find, trying to find something, _anything_ , even though they’ve already done that. Otherwise, he doesn’t know how to approach the others with the idea of eating bugs and random herbs, or something, because what else could they possibly fill their stomachs with to alleviate the hunger?

He groans and sits up. The wind blows through the strands of his hair now, almost strong enough to lift his ponytail. He doesn’t want to do anything, but the stress of not having anything to eat finally properly catches up to him. He’s going to go looking. Hell, he’ll even kill some small animals if he has to, and he’ll just tell Felix and Hyunjin to suck it up and eat them.

Chan stands up and heads back toward the hatch door, opening it and going back downstairs. They’re in a small apartment complex, which is nice because that means they can spread out and get some personal space. Chan makes it down to the apartment that he last saw Changbin in; he’s going to get him to come along, as Changbin is one of the members with the most stamina. Once he enters, he spots him laying on a couch, cuddling with Felix. They both look so peaceful, he almost feels bad for disturbing. He shouldn’t go alone, though.

“Changbin,” he calls. The younger man raises his head and looks at Chan questioningly. “I’m going out to search for food, can you please come with?”

“Why?” Changbin asks. “I thought you said that we could rest for the day.” There’s a faint pout on Changbin’s lips, clearly disappointed that he’s not going to get to rest like Chan promised.

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m just starting to get antsy, I really think we need to go find something, please,” Chan explains. Changbin sighs and gets up, leaving the warmth of Felix arms.

“No,” Felix whines, making grabby hands towards Changbin. “I was comfortable…”

“Sorry,” apologizes Changbin. “Maybe if Chan wouldn’t have falsely told me that I could rest, you could have gotten comfortable with someone else.”

It kind of sounds like a joke, but Chan can tell that he’s irritated the younger. His jaw clenches slightly as he tries to control his temper. It won’t do any good to get annoyed or mad at Changbin; they’ve ended up with countless screaming matches, unsettling the others, making Hyunjin cry. He’s learning how to try to dissipate his frustration, and thankfully it’s been going a bit smoother, but it’s really hard.

Changbin picks up his backpack, and empties out the contents save for the essentials, which are a rather blunt knife, a flashlight with a somehow still working battery, a lighter, and some empty bottles that they can use to hold water. Chan grabs his own supplies, then he goes to find the others and tells them that they’re headed out.

The younger follows him outside, and it’s getting darker by the minute. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all, and Changbin only confirms it by saying, “Isn’t it getting a bit too dark, hyung? We should have went earlier.”

Chan sighs and replies, “Yeah, maybe, but I was too busy zoning out. It dawned on me how desperately we needed food, and I thought it’d be a good idea to try finding some rather than wasting time. I’m scared, Binnie.” They walk down the empty street. There aren’t all that many buildings, and they’ve been through all of them. None of them had any food in them, so he knows it’s no actual use checking. “There’s a park nearby, maybe we could catch a squirrel, or something.”

The younger snorts. “You want to eat Jisung? You know we promised not to kill cute animals,” he says. “Felix would probably cry.”

“Do we have a choice anymore?” asks Chan breathlessly. “At this point, feelings are going to start mattering less. We _need_ to have something to eat.”

“Yeah,” agrees Changbin softly.

It takes around ten minutes to find the park that Chan was talking about, and at that point it’s gotten so dark that it’s becoming a bit hard to see. Chan groans in frustration and says, “Fuck, you’re right about it being too dark. I don’t think we’ll be able to catch anything like this. What was I thinking?” He dejectedly rubs his temples then slumps his shoulders. “My brain isn’t working so well anymore. I’m sorry.”

He half expects for Changbin to reply with a snarky remark, but instead he finds the younger’s hand on his shoulder, rubbing him in a reassuring manner. “It’s okay, I know you’re just worried.” He guides Chan to a bench, and they both sit down on it. It’s been a while since Chan has had alone time with Changbin, especially since Changbin’s temper has been growing shorter.

They used to get along super well together, and they still kind of do, but it’s not like how it was before. Changbin is one of the first members to have joined the group three years ago. They would often have deep and meaningful conversations, but at some point you just run out of things to talk about, Chan guesses.

He turns to look at the younger. Changbin’s got this stupid botched haircut that Minho gave him. His bangs look blunt and ridiculous, but somehow it doesn’t look entirely bad on him. Still, he has no idea why Changbin had trusted Minho with a pair of scissors to come anywhere near his head, as if Minho’s body wouldn’t randomly convulse and drive it right into his skull. That didn’t happen, thankfully.

“You look handsome,” Chan randomly declares, and Changbin laughs through his nose.

“Of course, I always do. I’m the ruggedly handsome and dark character in all of those apocalyptic movies. The women love me,” jokes Changbin, and Chan laughs along.

“Yeah, ‘the women,’ right. You mean Hyunjin,” replies the elder, lightly pushing Changbin’s shoulder.

Changbin rolls his eyes, but still blushes faintly, Chan can tell even in the growing darkness. “Right, sure, whatever.” He brushes the subject off and they both sit in comfortable silence, breathing in the fresh air of the park.

Although life seems bleak and grim, Chan guesses that romance can still blossom. He can tell that Changbin and Hyunjin have a thing going on, but he doesn’t know to what extent their relationship has grown, and he figures that it’s not all that much of his business as long as it doesn’t negatively impact the rest of the group. It’s cute, though. Watching them flirt always fills Chan with a faint sense of happiness and familiarity, seeing as there’s still some room for some childish and cute excitement.

After a while, Chan teasingly asks, “Have you guys kissed yet?”

“Hyung, I swear to god. Shut up,” Changbin huffs. After a moment, he blurts, “Sort of? Well, we kiss each other on the cheeks and stuff, but… I’m too scared to do anything else.”

Chan puts a fatherly arm around Changbin’s shoulder. “You gotta set the mood,” he starts explaining. “Get the two of you alone, drop some compliments, make sure he’s blushing and all, and then when he looks at your lips, lean in and smooch him!”

Changbin laughs at that, leaning into Chan and cuddling against his side. “You know I’m not smooth enough to do that.”

Chan hums. “Maybe not, but you have to try. Who knows how much time you have left to do anything?” He realizes that the statement comes out as a bit grim, which makes Changbin deflate against him slightly.

“You’re not wrong,” the younger sighs. “Hyung, do you think we’ll make it?”

Chan swallows. He doesn’t know what Changbin means by ‘make it.’ Perhaps he’s talking about rebuilding a good life, or maybe he’s talking about finding civilization somewhere. It’s such a vague question to ask, and Chan can’t even tell them if they’re going to find food the next day, so how’s he supposed to answer this?

“I don’t know, Binnie. Life never has any guarantees. I just think that, as long as we strive forward and do our best, it’ll be good,” he answers. Changbin hums in response and takes some time to think. They both drift off into their thoughts, and then Chan says, “We need to head back. I’m sorry for dragging you all the way out here for no reason.”

“It’s fine,” replies the younger. “I feel like it’s nice to spend some quiet one on one time with each other.”

“Yeah.” Chan smiles. On the walk back, he teases Changbin about Hyunjin some more; it’s fun to pretend that that’s what Changbin’s main concern is at the moment.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know your thoughts and stuff. Comments and kudos are appreciated!
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/tripIebang/)


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